This past weekend seemed to be a sign of things to come, but in some ways only an illusion of contempt for one's surroundings. On one hand, I spent a large portion of my time worrying about when I'm gonna be able to pay my next bill and what I'm gonna make for dinner for just one guy. On the other hand, it dawned on me that while I am usually overwhelmed by an immense sense of lonliness, realistically I shouldn't be. I have no fewer people in my life now than I did before.
I think the one big festering thorn in my side is the fact that when so many people I knew were down on their luck and in need of a friend, I was there for them. I was always available to reassure them that they had someone looking out for them; anything to alleviate that sense of loneliness one can feel when the world seems to have shunned you.
But now the roles have reversed. It is I who is now dealing with the pressures and tribulations of living alone and not a peep from those who not so long ago were in need of my help in similar situations. What it tells me is how selfish the people I surrounded myself with really are. All of them. There is not one person from my past who is not guilty of this. Granted, some people are simply too far away to really be of any impact and I can understand their hesitation to impose, but for the people who live in the same damn state, there is no excuse to, in it's simplest form, repay the debt of time I am owed comforting those who needed it not too long ago.
It's irrelevant I suppose at this point. I have already begun the process of mentally exiling those individuals who are no longer in my good graces or simply do not deserve my attention by simple reflection of their intent or apathy. Some people would say I'm burning bridges and that it's unwise to do so. Under normal circumstances I would agree. However, in this case, the bridges were mere mirages of stability in a perceived reality now debunked as fiction.
I think the one big festering thorn in my side is the fact that when so many people I knew were down on their luck and in need of a friend, I was there for them. I was always available to reassure them that they had someone looking out for them; anything to alleviate that sense of loneliness one can feel when the world seems to have shunned you.
But now the roles have reversed. It is I who is now dealing with the pressures and tribulations of living alone and not a peep from those who not so long ago were in need of my help in similar situations. What it tells me is how selfish the people I surrounded myself with really are. All of them. There is not one person from my past who is not guilty of this. Granted, some people are simply too far away to really be of any impact and I can understand their hesitation to impose, but for the people who live in the same damn state, there is no excuse to, in it's simplest form, repay the debt of time I am owed comforting those who needed it not too long ago.
It's irrelevant I suppose at this point. I have already begun the process of mentally exiling those individuals who are no longer in my good graces or simply do not deserve my attention by simple reflection of their intent or apathy. Some people would say I'm burning bridges and that it's unwise to do so. Under normal circumstances I would agree. However, in this case, the bridges were mere mirages of stability in a perceived reality now debunked as fiction.
