I've lost so much in such a short period of time, I wonder if I'm even the same person I was just last year. Have I also lost my sense of identity and worth? What else will I lose? This move could not have come at a worse time and with all the baggage of depression, lonliness, and regret. And while I resist the urge to sound like the inside cover of a "My Chemical Romance" CD jacket recited by a screachy-voiced shemale, I can't help but complain incessantly about my situation.Just two years ago, my life was at it's pinnacle. I had a good job, a beautiful fiancee, and a family I knew would be there to witness my marriage. And today, my reality (or at least as I perceived it) has been ripped apart. Break-ups, deaths, foreclosures, people moving away, friends turning their backs to me, layoffs and pay cuts have thrown me spiraling into a torrent of shit.
Now, I in no way live in my past because I know it is senseless to do so. I have moved on and am now dealing with my new situation as best I can, making friends where I can, and essentially starting over. I am, in a sense, re-inventing everything I am and was. It's the only way I can feasibly exist and prevent insanity today. So, while I think about what meal-for-one I can prepare for this evening accompanied by the warm glow of my television, I must remind myself that it doesn't matter what or who I used to be. This is who I am now and I must accept it.
