Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Reassessing the Void
This past weekend seemed to be a sign of things to come, but in some ways only an illusion of contempt for one's surroundings. On one hand, I spent a large portion of my time worrying about when I'm gonna be able to pay my next bill and what I'm gonna make for dinner for just one guy. On the other hand, it dawned on me that while I am usually overwhelmed by an immense sense of lonliness, realistically I shouldn't be. I have no fewer people in my life now than I did before.
I think the one big festering thorn in my side is the fact that when so many people I knew were down on their luck and in need of a friend, I was there for them. I was always available to reassure them that they had someone looking out for them; anything to alleviate that sense of loneliness one can feel when the world seems to have shunned you.
But now the roles have reversed. It is I who is now dealing with the pressures and tribulations of living alone and not a peep from those who not so long ago were in need of my help in similar situations. What it tells me is how selfish the people I surrounded myself with really are. All of them. There is not one person from my past who is not guilty of this. Granted, some people are simply too far away to really be of any impact and I can understand their hesitation to impose, but for the people who live in the same damn state, there is no excuse to, in it's simplest form, repay the debt of time I am owed comforting those who needed it not too long ago.
It's irrelevant I suppose at this point. I have already begun the process of mentally exiling those individuals who are no longer in my good graces or simply do not deserve my attention by simple reflection of their intent or apathy. Some people would say I'm burning bridges and that it's unwise to do so. Under normal circumstances I would agree. However, in this case, the bridges were mere mirages of stability in a perceived reality now debunked as fiction.
I think the one big festering thorn in my side is the fact that when so many people I knew were down on their luck and in need of a friend, I was there for them. I was always available to reassure them that they had someone looking out for them; anything to alleviate that sense of loneliness one can feel when the world seems to have shunned you.
But now the roles have reversed. It is I who is now dealing with the pressures and tribulations of living alone and not a peep from those who not so long ago were in need of my help in similar situations. What it tells me is how selfish the people I surrounded myself with really are. All of them. There is not one person from my past who is not guilty of this. Granted, some people are simply too far away to really be of any impact and I can understand their hesitation to impose, but for the people who live in the same damn state, there is no excuse to, in it's simplest form, repay the debt of time I am owed comforting those who needed it not too long ago.
It's irrelevant I suppose at this point. I have already begun the process of mentally exiling those individuals who are no longer in my good graces or simply do not deserve my attention by simple reflection of their intent or apathy. Some people would say I'm burning bridges and that it's unwise to do so. Under normal circumstances I would agree. However, in this case, the bridges were mere mirages of stability in a perceived reality now debunked as fiction.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saying Goodbye
I've lost so much in such a short period of time, I wonder if I'm even the same person I was just last year. Have I also lost my sense of identity and worth? What else will I lose? This move could not have come at a worse time and with all the baggage of depression, lonliness, and regret. And while I resist the urge to sound like the inside cover of a "My Chemical Romance" CD jacket recited by a screachy-voiced shemale, I can't help but complain incessantly about my situation.Just two years ago, my life was at it's pinnacle. I had a good job, a beautiful fiancee, and a family I knew would be there to witness my marriage. And today, my reality (or at least as I perceived it) has been ripped apart. Break-ups, deaths, foreclosures, people moving away, friends turning their backs to me, layoffs and pay cuts have thrown me spiraling into a torrent of shit.
Now, I in no way live in my past because I know it is senseless to do so. I have moved on and am now dealing with my new situation as best I can, making friends where I can, and essentially starting over. I am, in a sense, re-inventing everything I am and was. It's the only way I can feasibly exist and prevent insanity today. So, while I think about what meal-for-one I can prepare for this evening accompanied by the warm glow of my television, I must remind myself that it doesn't matter what or who I used to be. This is who I am now and I must accept it.
Friday, March 13, 2009
XML Shenanigans and New Programming Quandaries
Yesterday I was asked the question: "If we don't use XML, how else will we send hierarchical data through a POST?"
I knew there had to be a better way to send hierarchical data other than sending a massive string of XML containing all the necessary data. In PHP (as well as other common programming languages) POST data is categorized nicely into an array that contains all POST data that was passed from one page to another. However, at the company I work at, instead of assigning data to form fields or just using cURL to send variables with the appropriate data, we send one long and cumbersome XML string in a variable. Now, that wouldn't be so bad normally, but once that XML string reaches its destination, the variables are parsed out of the XML, assigned to variable data, and processed normally. Why is this extra step necessary? As far as I can tell, there is no useable reason to do this other than relying on XML to organize your data for later use.
Enter the multi-dimensional array. When dealing with hierarchical data, typically muti-dimensional arrays are used to organize the data into easy to use and very versitile means of extraction into other functions or objects without the need to parse out tiresome strings of XML.
The ways of programming seem to be shifting in this new world of open source "solutions" and fast-food style coding where quantity outweighs quality on a ratio so one-sided that bugs and errors are now considered normal operating procedure. Bypassing normal means of programming may speed up the process to get the job done faster, but there's a good chance that if you are using a method that could have been accomplished ten years ago by the people who started the ball rolling, it would be the standard if it was deemed effective, productive, and safe. However, certain methods have been established as the norm for a reason, most likely many reasons. And, while I will not dare assume that I can fathom all of the reasons why a specific method is prefered, the old adage holds true: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
I knew there had to be a better way to send hierarchical data other than sending a massive string of XML containing all the necessary data. In PHP (as well as other common programming languages) POST data is categorized nicely into an array that contains all POST data that was passed from one page to another. However, at the company I work at, instead of assigning data to form fields or just using cURL to send variables with the appropriate data, we send one long and cumbersome XML string in a variable. Now, that wouldn't be so bad normally, but once that XML string reaches its destination, the variables are parsed out of the XML, assigned to variable data, and processed normally. Why is this extra step necessary? As far as I can tell, there is no useable reason to do this other than relying on XML to organize your data for later use.
Enter the multi-dimensional array. When dealing with hierarchical data, typically muti-dimensional arrays are used to organize the data into easy to use and very versitile means of extraction into other functions or objects without the need to parse out tiresome strings of XML.
The ways of programming seem to be shifting in this new world of open source "solutions" and fast-food style coding where quantity outweighs quality on a ratio so one-sided that bugs and errors are now considered normal operating procedure. Bypassing normal means of programming may speed up the process to get the job done faster, but there's a good chance that if you are using a method that could have been accomplished ten years ago by the people who started the ball rolling, it would be the standard if it was deemed effective, productive, and safe. However, certain methods have been established as the norm for a reason, most likely many reasons. And, while I will not dare assume that I can fathom all of the reasons why a specific method is prefered, the old adage holds true: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
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