Annoying Commercials Suck

Love Is For The Weak

People talk about love commonly in every day speech. Many young couples will throw the word around about as commonly as the word "is" without ever really giving it another thought. However, sometimes one of them truly means what they say when they use the word. This is unfortunate for them because the liklihood that their partner feels anything close to it is slimmer than being struck by lightning while holding a winning lottery ticket.

Why Windows is Better Than Mac

In a surprisingly ironic twist, Windows is far better than Mac for one very important reason; it breaks.

Windows is an enormously vast and dangerous beast existing in many incarnations and clones of itself each with their own flavor, behavior, and quirks. In fact, just about any two computers running any version of Windows are vastly different in hardware, software, and performance. In one office building, you could have two identical machines running the same version of Windows and one will always seem to run better than the other.

Now, some people would use this as a mark against Windows, but I disagree. Mac's are known by the slogan "it just works". But, that in and of itself, is the one major flaw of Macs. That sort of mindset spawns laziness. Always expecting it to "just work" when you press a button prepares you for nothing when the day comes that the button does nothing at all when pressed.

Windows users, on the other hand, those who have been on this little journey since MS-DOS and Windows 3.1 will tell you that there is a certain amount of pride in knowing what they know. They have seen it all from BSoD on bootup to entire boot sectors getting rewritten. They've tackled head first the onslaught of viruses, worms, trojans, spyware, malware, or any other little nuisance that was developed to make their Windows machine turn against them.

Windows users are battle-scarred, leathery, cynical, and bitter. They've been through the shit and saw hell, and they're stronger because of it. They've become smarter, more aware, and can debug their way out of just about any problem a computer can throw at them. Mac users, on the other hand... well, their view of the computing world is so limited and narrow that they don't see any difference between Macs and Windows thinking foolishly that they are identical except one works and the other doesn't. This is, of course, nonsense.

Windows machines are a labrinth of possibilities and customizable options. When you turn on a Windows machine, you never know what you're going to see.

There is a reason why Windows has so many problems. It's because it can do a whole lot more. The more complex the machine, the more abundant the problems. I'll even use an example to explain this.

Of all simple machines, we'll use the lever. Push down on one side, the other side goes up. Simple right? You can't really mess that up; action and result. Simple, effective, but limited. Sure, it's hard to break it, but it can only really do so much. Now, compare a simple lever to a forklift. Same principle; it lifts things. But it can also move, has lights, beeps when backing up, and turns. Far more things can go wrong here.

For first time computer users, I suggest Macs to them. The less they have to break, the less likely it is to break. Leave Windows to the people who know what they're doing.

Windows, with all of its flaws and bugs, its security holes and hassles, is a far superior operating system to Mac for the very reasons why people hate it.

Stop Asking Why!

I am getting really sick and tired of people trying to impose their elitist mindset on people who simply ask a question.

In the programming and computer business, forums are an integral part of the job. No one person can know everything, so access to these forums is an invaluable way to get answers to questions or problems that may arise.

That being said, these forums are littered with moronic mouth-breathers who cannot just answer the damn question. Instead, answer someone's question with a question of their own. They ask, "Why". Who care's Why? They don't even bother to answer it and then ask why that person needs to know. They just ask why as if they have some profound insight into the situation and know that the person asking the original question is wasting everyone's time.

If you don't know the answer, or don't want to help, shut up and get off the forums you simple-minded plebeian. It is not your place to ask why, only to give the answer the person is looking for or keep your mouth shut.

Innocent Poster: "How do you move a file from one folder to another?"
Elitist Prick: "Why would you want to do that?"
Me: "It doesn't matter why you fucking idiot. Just answer the man or go die in a hole. By the way, just drag and drop it."
Innocent Poster: "Thanks."

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

We've all heard of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse at one point or another. Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death have been major staples in popular culture for a while. But, did we get it wrong?

I am going to attempt to put a new spin on this interpreted story.

First, we must look at the names and affects of each horsemen. Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death all seem as though they perform a specific purpose... but there is one problem. Pestilence, War, and Famine are all cancelled out by Death. They are not needed. They're end result would be Death, but since Death would handle all of that anyway, they are obsolete in bringing about the end of the world. So, perhaps there is more to them or something wholly different.

Again, we must remember that these Four Horsemen were brought about to end the world. So, let's take a look at the scripture.

I watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, "Come!" I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest.

— Revelation 6:1-2 NIV

Often called Pestilence, this Horsemen is actually referred to as Conquest more often. However, notice the symbolism of the crown and bow. This horsemen represents the corruption of the kings and the downfall of empires. One could refer to this as war, but not necessarily. The chaos that would ensue from a completely dismantled civilization from within would surely be catastrophic.

When the Lamb opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature say, "Come! Then another horse came out, a fiery red one. Its rider was given power to take peace from the earth and to make men slay each other. To him was given a huge sword.

— Revelation 6:3-4 NIV

The order of these Horsemen plays a big part, I feel, in the end of the world according to Revelations. After the governments of the world are toppled by Conquest, War comes and finishes the work set in motion by Conquest.

When the Lamb opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, "Come!" I looked, and there before me was a black horse! Its rider was holding a pair of scales in his hand. Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, "A quart of wheat for a day's wages, and three quarts of barley for a day's wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!"

— Revelation 6:5-6 NIV

Once War has finished his work, the Horsemen people refer to as Famine marches in. but I do not think I agree with the assumption that this horsemen represents famine. While he does mention food in this interpretation, it's the wording that puzzles me. "A quart of wheat for a day's wages" could mean food is scarce, but I think more so it represents Control. After War, a demoralized and scattered people would be easy to control. The scales in his hand represent the law of such control, the high prices for food it's punishment, but saving the oil and wine (used in Christian mass) for people's redemption.

When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come!" I looked and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.

— Revelation 6:7-8 NIV

Finally Death would ride out. Many believe that the sentence "They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth." refers to each horsemen being given one quarter of the earth to affect. But what seems more apparent here is that Death itself would be the cause of Death by sword, famine, and plague over one quarter of the population. Since it makes no mention of Death, but only war, famine, and plague, it seems as though this horsemen takes to making the final blow on all outlying lands.

In this way, it would seem that the end of the world as people claim Revelations predicts would actually be a destabilization of civilization, a culling of the population, with certain mainstays of our political and religious ideals being destroyed and reformed. As a whole, the Four Horsemen represent chaos and anarchy, and they are the vessels to make this happen.

On a simpler note, they could each represent one of the four seasons of spring, summer, fall, and winter in that order.

Search Crazy

I think we've officially lost our minds in this country. Am I talking about the craptastic economy or the surge of debates over global warming? No... I'm talking about search engine websites.

Do we really need more of them? Honestly? Now Microsoft has entered the fray with bing.com. Is there any reason to switch from Google to Bing or from Yahoo to Google? No. They all return the same damn results! Now, some of you might be asking why this is such a big deal. Well, it isn't. It just seems kind of senseless to create a whole brand new search engine when the one's that existed already were doing the job. What, was Google sending innocent people links to Meatspin when they searched for local church groups?

Search for anything you want in all of the search engines and I will guarantee you'll get the same results for all of them.

Illegal Downloads Made a Safer Internet

Illegally downloading music and software is far safer for the internet than regulating it and the benefits of regulation are nonexistent.

The RIAA and MPAA have spent the last 10 years making every attempt at curbing the downloading of music and movies to the point of issuing hefty multi million dollar fines towards "offenders". These racketeering actions have convinced even congress that the RIAA and MPAA have a case worth siding with and laws have been put in place to help protect these two organizations from evil fifteen year olds downloading their favorite songs. In fact, I think congress initally opted for the death penalty, but the RIAA and MPAA in all their mercy convinced congress to rethink that. After all a dead customer can't buy anything. By the way, great move guys. CD sales are still at an all time low.

However, since the Musicrusade™ of the twenty-first century music has become the new scam product of scamming sites. There are thousands of sites that offer "legal" downloads of songs for a small start up fee of $30 to $60 and songs at 10¢ a piece. The problem though is that these sites are no more legal than downloading songs from torrents and in some cases these sites disappear shortly after taking your money with no access to any of the songs they advertised.

The Musicrusade™ solved nothing except helping the RIAA offset their profit percentages. None of the money won in these lawsuits goes to any off the artists they claim to protect and the notion that downloading music illegally steals from the artists is completely false. Since this copyright crackdown CD sales have continued to plummet and the downloading of music has, and will, continue... and untrackable.

I for one fully endorse the downloading of music. There has never been any evidence whatsoever to prove that music downloading hurts any artist or performer. CD sales were dropping long before the surge of internet downloading, and the drop has continued long after the mainstream downloading services have been blacklisted.

To go on a small tangent here, if you would like to know how ridiculous these laws are, according to the laws the RIAA pushed for, playing a CD in your car that you paid for rightfully with friends in the car who did not buy the CD is considered illegal since they are hearing their intellectual property without paying. Sounds ridiculous right? Well, that's because it is.

Copyright law has become a new means of extortion from companies who do not know how to adapt to the changing times. Maybe CD sales have been dropping because they have been releasing a crappy product. There's food for thought.

The Internet Is a Ruined, Clogged, Horrid Version of Itself

These days searching through the internet is a lot simpler than it used to be. A quick search in any of the more popular (and even some less popular) search engines will pull up a list of just about anything you're looking for in a matter of seconds. However, if one was to look at the list these search engines pull up most of the time, a list of links to sites never heard of promising everything can be seen.

People like to refer to the early days of the Internet being the wild west of the Internet's history. It was a time when only the most knowledgeable could get a website up and running, register a domain name, and manage the server to allow any kind of server side processing. It was a mystery, uncharted territory, and only the bravest of souls would dare peruse its dim lit back roads.

However, despite its unforgiving appearance and rough edges, there was something that could be said about it's integrity. Due to the effort needed, and money required, to make anything public back then, it was a safer bet to trust what you were seeing online. It was a nerd's paradise.

Now, fast-forward fifteen years, the marketing potential of the internet has long since been realized. The Internet Bubble phenom is long over, the lessons have been learned, and the internet is now a highly polished, regulated, smooth, and glossy version of itself; it's terrible.

It takes absolutely no effort to publish a web site these days. Editing, manipulating, and sharing a site is as simple as just buying or downloading a prefabricated site and uploading it to a server and, bingo, in business.

People like to say that the Internet has evolved and become more efficient. On the contrary, the Internet has not improved one bit. Much like a fit and lean man gaining two hundred pounds, under all that fat, that lean and fit Internet can still be found. Who wants to cut through all that fat though to find what they're looking for? More importantly, who can even know if what they found is what they were looking for and not just more fat?

Let's presume someone wanted to download an mp3 of their favorite song. That person goes to their favorite search engine and types in the name of the song and tries to find a site to download from. Let's just assume, for the sake of this article, that the person is looking for a completely legal means to download the song. Of course, first they check all the big boys; Amazon, iTunes, Napster. Despite their search of those sites, their song cannot be found there. So, they resort to searching the lesser known sites on the Internet.

The problem is about 99% of all mp3 download sites are complete scams. The Internet has become a cesspool of banner ads, scams, and misleading links.

• We are NOT interested in getting that silly ringtone on our phones.
• We will NOT download your silly game inundated with spyware.
• We are NOT interested in finding out who's searching for us.
• We will NOT check our credit score on a site who's lifespan is probably two weeks.
• We are NOT interested in winning a free Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii.
• We will NOT get that free laptop, iPod, or iPhone.
• We will NOT work from home for $5000 a day.

SO STOP ASKING!

Anyone who falls for this should be ashamed of themselves.

Let's clean this place up, or at least run a few laps around the track and burn off some of this fat we've gathered over the last fifteen years.

Row You Bastards!

Much like the oarsmen on a longboat traversing the waves of the north Atlantic ocean heading out to battle in an unknown land with only the motivation to not die, we sit here in our office of Perpetual Ineptitude. The way in which our desks are aligned in relationship to each other is much like a classroom where we all face in the same direction. We don't have any walls thus making our workplace cubical-free. Behind us, in the back of the room, sits the whipping seat; the desk where the boss sits and overlooks us much like a warlord overseeing his abused and mistreated warriors. Day in and day out, we are reminded of our worthlessness, our incompetence, and our allegiance to the code machine to which we are imprisoned.

His seat, however, benefits from the luxury of secrecy and anonymity by having his eyes over our shoulders while hiding his nefarious deeds from the prying eyes of his over-worked and beaten subjects, conveniently aiming his monitor away from those who could see. To quell any talk of rebellion or outrage, he speaks light of any situation that we may feel too harsh, desperately trying to find common ground with the likes of us to help lessen the perceived gap between boss and underling. Truly, he is a master of deception and propaganda, but the peons are not fooled. They see through the clever disguise just waiting for the right time to spring into action and steer this mercenary ship back home.

The Question of Insurmountable Nature and Perplexing Quandaries; Am I Loved?

Yes.

The Amorous Ramblings of a Man at the End of His Rope

Perception is a formed reality composed entirely of our senses. What we cannot sense never makes it into the grand picture of what we call reality. Likewise, only those things that we can perceive become the clay used to sculpt our worlds we live in. Before I ever met you, you never existed in my reality. I would go from day to day not even acknowledging that you existed. How could I? After all, in my perceived reality, you didn't. But then one day our two little reality sandboxes collided in a most unexpected way. What resulted was a collision that would, unbeknownst to us, create a paradigm that would defy most logic and reason. The 'where' and 'why' of it all does not factor into it. In fact, mostly it was a maelstrom of events that, while may seem chaotic and sporadic in comparison, could not have been more perfect. Our meeting, even if by chance on the lowest order of probability, is an event I will never dismiss no matter how brief.

Ask A Ninja Special Delivery 25 "Tooling On Superheroes"

How True

Reassessing the Void

This past weekend seemed to be a sign of things to come, but in some ways only an illusion of contempt for one's surroundings. On one hand, I spent a large portion of my time worrying about when I'm gonna be able to pay my next bill and what I'm gonna make for dinner for just one guy. On the other hand, it dawned on me that while I am usually overwhelmed by an immense sense of lonliness, realistically I shouldn't be. I have no fewer people in my life now than I did before.

I think the one big festering thorn in my side is the fact that when so many people I knew were down on their luck and in need of a friend, I was there for them. I was always available to reassure them that they had someone looking out for them; anything to alleviate that sense of loneliness one can feel when the world seems to have shunned you.

But now the roles have reversed. It is I who is now dealing with the pressures and tribulations of living alone and not a peep from those who not so long ago were in need of my help in similar situations. What it tells me is how selfish the people I surrounded myself with really are. All of them. There is not one person from my past who is not guilty of this. Granted, some people are simply too far away to really be of any impact and I can understand their hesitation to impose, but for the people who live in the same damn state, there is no excuse to, in it's simplest form, repay the debt of time I am owed comforting those who needed it not too long ago.

It's irrelevant I suppose at this point. I have already begun the process of mentally exiling those individuals who are no longer in my good graces or simply do not deserve my attention by simple reflection of their intent or apathy. Some people would say I'm burning bridges and that it's unwise to do so. Under normal circumstances I would agree. However, in this case, the bridges were mere mirages of stability in a perceived reality now debunked as fiction.

Saying Goodbye

I've lost so much in such a short period of time, I wonder if I'm even the same person I was just last year. Have I also lost my sense of identity and worth? What else will I lose? This move could not have come at a worse time and with all the baggage of depression, lonliness, and regret. And while I resist the urge to sound like the inside cover of a "My Chemical Romance" CD jacket recited by a screachy-voiced shemale, I can't help but complain incessantly about my situation.

Just two years ago, my life was at it's pinnacle. I had a good job, a beautiful fiancee, and a family I knew would be there to witness my marriage. And today, my reality (or at least as I perceived it) has been ripped apart. Break-ups, deaths, foreclosures, people moving away, friends turning their backs to me, layoffs and pay cuts have thrown me spiraling into a torrent of shit.

Now, I in no way live in my past because I know it is senseless to do so. I have moved on and am now dealing with my new situation as best I can, making friends where I can, and essentially starting over. I am, in a sense, re-inventing everything I am and was. It's the only way I can feasibly exist and prevent insanity today. So, while I think about what meal-for-one I can prepare for this evening accompanied by the warm glow of my television, I must remind myself that it doesn't matter what or who I used to be. This is who I am now and I must accept it.

XML Shenanigans and New Programming Quandaries

Yesterday I was asked the question: "If we don't use XML, how else will we send hierarchical data through a POST?"

I knew there had to be a better way to send hierarchical data other than sending a massive string of XML containing all the necessary data. In PHP (as well as other common programming languages) POST data is categorized nicely into an array that contains all POST data that was passed from one page to another. However, at the company I work at, instead of assigning data to form fields or just using cURL to send variables with the appropriate data, we send one long and cumbersome XML string in a variable. Now, that wouldn't be so bad normally, but once that XML string reaches its destination, the variables are parsed out of the XML, assigned to variable data, and processed normally. Why is this extra step necessary? As far as I can tell, there is no useable reason to do this other than relying on XML to organize your data for later use.

Enter the multi-dimensional array. When dealing with hierarchical data, typically muti-dimensional arrays are used to organize the data into easy to use and very versitile means of extraction into other functions or objects without the need to parse out tiresome strings of XML.

The ways of programming seem to be shifting in this new world of open source "solutions" and fast-food style coding where quantity outweighs quality on a ratio so one-sided that bugs and errors are now considered normal operating procedure. Bypassing normal means of programming may speed up the process to get the job done faster, but there's a good chance that if you are using a method that could have been accomplished ten years ago by the people who started the ball rolling, it would be the standard if it was deemed effective, productive, and safe. However, certain methods have been established as the norm for a reason, most likely many reasons. And, while I will not dare assume that I can fathom all of the reasons why a specific method is prefered, the old adage holds true: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Larz Live!

Starting March 7th, I will be hosting a live show on my site (rustedgate.com) starting at 9pm EST. The show will include funny internet clips I've found as well as taking calls from listeners. Depending on how successful the show proves to be in the weeks to follow, I may keep it going.

Tune in and tell your friends! :D

That Guy With The Glasses Donation Drive

Last night the guys from TGWTG put on a fund raiser on their site in which they attempted to raise money for some secret project they're working on. However, while they seemed to raise a decent amount of money, the night was not without calamity. They started out broadcasting from Justin.tv. After about 30 minutes, the servers at Justin.tv imploded from the sheer volume of viewers. From Justin.tv, they moved two more times until finally ending up on Ustream.tv where they finished up the rest of their broadcast until about 2:00 am Friday morning EST.

Despite the many hiccups in the evenings festivities, the crew was able to take callers from fans over Skype and show new videos live on the air.

Eventually Chester A. Bum made an appearance much to the chagrin of his peers to introduce his own new video and field a few questions from the fans.

All in all it was a stellar evening with laughs abound and many funny callers. I wish much luck to the TGWTG crew and hope they raked in enough cash to fun their need for "hookers and blow".

Productive?

Working on site. Fun.

Metallica Concert

The Story in Your Eyes

Valentine's Day Sucks

It's Called Talking!!

If another person asks me to "interface with the client" I am going to rape their faces.

So, when they ask me what I'm doing, I can gleefully say, "interfacing".